hiccup *hic*

I would say today is not the best day ever. 

BUT

 i am still smiling...

i am still making some silly jokes 

i am putting up the smiling face all day today

but honestly, 

my heart & my brain just didnt connect

felt so wrong 

im already having a hard time with work, housemate, family and now he add some spice to it. 

seriously life 

i never have doubt that YOU are teaching me a lesson here, 

but sometimes i need a break 

i want to feel "less burden " too

I know i have been thinking waaaayyy too much recently 

sometimes things i shouldn't be thinking of. 

 

i know i gotta stop at some point 

but somehow it just not as easy as it should be 

for some reasons, i keep on stumble upon a huge boulder 

Sometimes 

I just want to be the bad person too

i want to break people heart too.

and i will laugh harder than you did 

 

but

that is not me

that is not Shakira 

i rather to be broken than to break 

i am the person that cried in the shower and blame the soap or shampoo for my red eyes

i am the person that will laugh like im having all the joy in this world

 i am the person that will "give way" so that others will achieve their dreams 

yes i am that stupid person

but

no matter how strong i am

I am still a human

still breathing same air as you 

my heart still beating hard to keep me alive just like you 

born with feelings and emotions 

hurt and bleed like a normal human being 

i am no different than you 

there are times where i scared of insecurity in life 

feel disappointed , betrayed , being used and on and on and on 

there are times where i have emotion breakdown too 

because i am just a normal human 

Allah's creation just like you

So if you purposely did or say something just to provoke me or simply just wanna hurt me

Congratulation, 

you are very good at it

I got hurt, sometimes i pissed off , i cried but somehow i just dont bother 

because i am trying my level best not to be affected by your negativity

yes, keep on doing it if you feel that make you feel happy or awesome or secure 

but just as a reminder

there is a limit 

never ever try to test the limit

because i have no idea what is beyond the limit 

again,

i am just a normal human

i cant control things beyond my control

i dont have enough power to stop whatever happening now 

the only thing i can do now is to deal with "myself "

 

 

so, 

are you happy now?

 maybe in your mind , i deserve whatever you did to me 

then, its good for you... keep on thinking that way 

hopefully it will make you feel better 

 

i just dont give a shit 

sometimes im too driven by emotions too 

but most of the time, 

i just dont care 

 

people will please you just because they want something from you 

or just to avoid some silly drama 

 

 i dont need him or whoever to please me just because he/she feels obligated to do so 

I know him better than he know himself

im stick to what can i do myself to make things better for me. 

for some people, keep on living in the fantasy and stop growing up. 

maybe that's the best choice for you 

kalau aku nak hadap setiap satu masalah yang ada

kompem aku da masuk tanjung rambutan 

little hiccup that wont last long 

Shakira Sulong