farewell 2016 ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام عليكم
Year end always mean new beginning for me. I used to celebrate New Year as a beginning of my love story. A story I thought will last forever.  until someone decided to take everything away from me. I never thought that I'll be "kicked out" from my so called "comfort zone" that took me years to built. I was heart broken and become resentful 

However, Allah indeed a great planner :) 
2015 was the year that my life take turn to a completely different direction. I hurt many hearts in searching the one who can heal my heart. I know I was selfish, I was a fool but I just want to trust someone again. I dont want to live in fear that one day people will cheat on me again and leave me helpless in the dark 
When I almost giving up, I met you  I remember telling myself on the first time we met  "Hes too nice for someone sinful & broken like me, perhaps this is the first and the last time we'll see each other Mr Ahmad"…

Life is fragile

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام عليكم

Hello readers, its been awhile since my last post.
Well, there is something happened that really struck me & I decided to share with you guys. Early this morning I received a sad news that Kak Nora ( My ex-colleague in Hexamine) has passed away after weeks of "battling with infections".

What really struck me was she was fine before until one day she was admitted to Sungai Buluh Hospital due to some pulmonary infections & her condition degrading down fall after that.
Doctor did everything to keep the infection at bay, unfortunately her condition getting worst day by day & the infection spread to other parts and shut down her organs one by one

Around the world people losing their loved ones due to war, disease , accidents etc etc
We can never know what will happen in the next 60secs.

Approaching to the "full term" of my pregnancy, makes me feel anxiety about everything around me. I started to think what if...
I kn…

Journey : Career change

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام عليكم

Big hello to my fellow readers !

I wonder if my readers are still available. Cant blame them, Im the lazy one to update my blog. Huh, can't believe how fast the time flies, its already September, approaching October. Just couple of months before 2017 say hello to all of us.

My previous post kinda sum up what had happened to my life, the little & the massive changes (in ONLY 5 months) .
above all, Im glad i took the path that lead me to what i am today.

alriite y'all , lets cut short the intro (which i really suck at it -__- )

As some of you may know, the biggest & the most challenging decision I have made was to quit my stable job ( that pay quite well ) and becoming a full time housewife. yeah, a career change indeed (>__<).

Trust me babe, that was not an easy decision. I know most of the working lady/mom out there would love to take up my current job : a housewife.
However, there also some people back home think I'm ju…

comeback !

Hello 2016 !!

I know , I know im 2 months late... hahaha
Soooooo many things happened since my last post about LGBT  .... That was July 2015 and today is almost end of Feb 2016.

Well, the most obvious thing happened was IM MARRIED to a total stranger. Alhamdulillah ( Praise to Allah) who arrange our meeting until our somenization & InsyaAllah this LOVE will stay forever till Jannah... Aminnn

Dont worry, I'll write up little bit bout Fadd in separate post.

Well, the boulder rolling fast since i met Fadd  ('-__-) ... really really fast. Here the "trajectory" of what happened in 5 months - ( justification to my MIA )

~ KAWIN ~ 
After some discussion between our family, we decided to get married. sound simple je kan.  BUT can you imagine to do all the preparation within a month  from Zero to a wedding only in a month.  The best part was, Fadd is outstation to a place where internet connection is macam haram  Im lucky to have a crazy Sis In Law ( dila) who help…

LGBT : The Rainbows :)

first and foremost, you need to understand that  Im not a homosexual !  Whatever written here is solely how i feel about homosexual as a person  I am not trying to brainwash you guys or trying to imply anything here  As much as i know how sensitive this issue to our community (especially to Malay) , I still feel that you all need to at least try to understand what make them who they are.  I also aware that Islam disapprove homosexual. but for few minutes, just try to see this issue as a human  and remember, only Allah / God can judge us & decide if we are a sinner or not  so please, for a moment read this with an open heart 
As some of you may notice, FB was flooded with rainbows color for the past few weeks.  For some reasons, people start talking about LGBT, human rights, god wrath and bla bla ...  before I go any further,  LBGT is an initialism that stand for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender  and  the rainbow flag  represents the diversity of gays and lesbians a…

jaga hati

Hello readers...

Its has been awhile since my last post. I have list of drafts waiting to be published, but i feel most of it way too provocative ... maybe the time is not right... or I maybe i just want to jaga hati  some people.

Speaking of  jaga hati , I still remember years ago, when I told my parents that im going to marry a Chinese, they freak out & for some reasons they took me to see an ustaz ( honestly i still dont fully understand the reason until today- to soften my stubborn head , perhaps ). At that point of time, im expecting him to say "you are  a sinner, need to bertaubat  & bla bla bla...." but hewhom never met me before , look me into the eyes and told me that I have a very soft heart & easily feel kesian for others. He told me that this could be my ultimate weakness & also can be my greatest strength.

Well being a softhearted person, im very vulnerable.
From the outside, I portray a strong-dont-give-a-damn-kind-of-girl. but deep inside im ac…


Life is the existence of an individual human being
life is the prove that we are living in this world.

being out of life means that you are dead


What life holds for you??

I woke up with swollen eyes
my head pinned to my pillow with throbbing pain
unable to move my limbs
and my heart arch so bad
I was so devastated with life
life has been so unfair to me
I have giving up living

I could not see the purpose of me living in this world anymore
so, i took the most foolish act
to get out of life

i still remember that feeling
I closed my eyes, the pain has gone, my head became so quiet and the only sound i heard was my own heartbeats, beating slowly
calming but destructive
and somehow i realize that i still need "life"
life never reject me

i was the one who did not understand life
that day, life taught me the most important lesson : stay alive

from that moment, I see life differently
if you ask me what is life means for me ,
my answer would be :

Life is magic
Life is …